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20 February, 2015

Quirky Convos

Comments : 8 Posted in : candy, conversation hearts, food, funny, humor, Uncategorized, Valentine's Day on by : Jeanette Schramm

With Valentine’s Day right around the corner, stores are packed with different varieties of sugary treats. Among them, the classic, timeless Conversation Hearts.

Personally, I prefer Necco over Brach’s, when it comes to brand. Necco’s hearts are crunchier and have more traditional flavors. Frankly, I think Brach’s goes overboard with their sweet, soft hearts.

Brand aside, I have noticed something throughout the years. Every year, conversation hearts try out fun new phrases, in an attempt to appeal to the up and coming generations. I remember, several years back, they started printing text speak. OMG, it was so weird.


Going through the container of conversation hearts, I found myself puzzled and amused by some of the phrases. Here are some of my favorites.

Should you find yourself in a sketchy nightclub on Valentine’s Day and a sultry someone should catch your eye, slip them one of these, maybe along with your number. Who knows? Perhaps they Luv 2 Dance too.
Conversation Starter: “Hey boi, U wanna dance?”

Here’s a little heart I wrote. You might even call it a love note…
Conversation Starter: “Don’t worry.”

This one goes out to all you hipsters out there. I’m not a fan of mustaches myself, but a clean-shaven conversation heart would be, well, kind of… lacking. Maybe that’s what the blank “misprints” actually are.
Conversation Starter: “I mustache you a question…”

Love is in the air… or the newsfeeds… It’s basically the same thing nowadays, anyway. These young whipper-snappers eat, sleep, and breathe social media. Romance can be found all over the internet. Just stay away from Omegle video chat…
Conversation Starter: “#TrueLove #NoFilter”

I like to think of this one as the innuendo heart. It implies a deeper meaning. Imagine, you ask a special someone to have coffee at your place after a romantic dinner. Flawlessly, you slip them this little sweet. They’ll know what you mean.
Conversation Starter: *nudge nudge*

Speaking out for the single ladies and the lesbian community, this heart says that we don’t need no man!
Conversation Starter: “Who run the world?”

For some, Valentine’s Day may not be the best day ever. It may not even be a good day. This heart sums up the sentiments of those single folks. The lack of enthusiasm in the phrasing here is unmistakable.
Conversation Starter: “Anyone want to join me for a romantic evening? …No…? Looks like it’s gonna be just you and me, Netflix.”

This heart goes out to you fellas in the friendzone. Even though February 14th isn’t the only day of the year you have to watch the apple of your eye hanging on the arm of some douchebag, it’s probably the most painful. Hang in there buddy. Be the good guy. The good guy always comes out on top… eventually.
Conversation Starter: “I cannot leave until you tell me you are satisfied with your care.”

Most people say that you live and learn. I suppose it isn’t inaccurate to say that you also live and love. Other than that, this one makes me think of the Paul McCartney song Live And Let Die.
Conversation Starter: “When you were young and your heart was an open book…”
I could probably think of something more creative to say if this wasn’t so stereotypically Disney. Think about it. Aurora, A.K.A. Sleeping Beauty, passed out and woke up when some hot princey guy came and kissed her. Snow White played dead and woke up with a prince on her lips, too. Take it from them: A dream is a wish your heart makes, and when those dreams come true, you had better have dreamed big.
Conversation Starter: “Someday, my prince will come.”

I guess this goes along with the “be happy” heart. How does it actually feel, though? Surely, it doesn’t seem as confident as the sardonic heart cookie, but it doesn’t seem fazed at all by the fact that it is soon to be eaten. That’s hardcore.
Conversation Starter: *staring intensifies*

That first thought when you see your lover, walking toward you across the hot pavement. “He/She’s so rad…” Maybe not? Well, I’m sure someone, somewhere finds this applicable.
Conversation Starter: “You? Me? Halfpipe?”
The infamous misprint heart. These are like the Missingno of candies. Dimpled by repeated die-strikes and smudged from… something, these hearts are amusingly hard to read. The boyfriend found an even better one that featured three to five overlaid messages, making it completely unreadable. I didn’t think to take a picture before he ate it. Oops.
Conversation Starter: “What in God’s name does this say?!”

I found several of these, all on white hearts. I have NO clue what it’s supposed to mean. My best guess is some child-friendly allusion to a mènage à trois. If it’s not reference to a threesome, I guess it could be some sort of affectionate encryption from the secret admirer of Jean Valjean.
Conversation Starter: “A heart full of love, 2-4-6-0-1.”

Without context, this is kind of weird. Handing this to someone is the candy equivalent of typing LOL.
Conversation Starter: *tee-hee*

“Pugs & Kittens.” Unless you work at the local animal shelter or are a furry, this seems exceptionally irrelevant to Valentine’s Day. That being said, if someone wanted to shower me with pugs and kittens, I probably wouldn’t complain.
Conversation Starter: “Wait ’til you see these puppies…”

If this heart exists, that must mean that the boyfriend and I aren’t the only ones who consider curling up with a good book each and a warm blanket to share counts as a romantic evening. For everyone else, that probably seems pretty boring. I would like to amend the statement to say that co-opping a good video game also counts as a romantic evening — especially when you’re keeping the love alive long-distance. Swapping a series? Now that‘s commitment.
Conversation Starter: “I’ll trade you The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy for A Song of Ice and Fire.”

I’ve got nothing. This one’s aaaall yours.
Conversation Starter: “Is it just me, or does this candy look like a boob?”




Happy Valentine’s Day! 
For you unmatched readers: Happy Singles Appreciation Day!

8s COMMENTS

8 thoughts on : Quirky Convos

  • February 12, 2015 at 12:50 am

    1 4 3 means I love you. The numbers correspond to the number of letters in each word. 🙂

  • February 12, 2015 at 1:19 am

    Someone on Facebook just mentioned that, too. I feel so uncreative for not figuring that out. 😛

  • February 12, 2015 at 2:50 am

    The one you couldn't read says "kiss me." Also first time reading your blog and it's good!
    -Jason Constant

  • February 12, 2015 at 3:01 am

    Thanks!
    Like I said, we found a better one, but *someone* ate it…

  • February 12, 2015 at 3:43 pm

    I still liked the Les Misérables reference.

  • February 12, 2015 at 3:44 pm

    I am disappointed you did not think of what I thought of upon seeing the “Wicked Cool” one.

  • February 16, 2015 at 2:44 pm

    Something-something-No-One-Mourns-the-Wicked-something-something?

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