23 September, 2015
Peanut Butter CookiesComments : 1 Posted in : cookies, dessert, easy, funny, humor, recipe, snack, Uncategorized on by : Jeanette Rueb
Last year, when my friend Skyler was here at RIT, he often used to make me “emergency cookies” when I had a bad day. With the amount of stress I’ve been under so far this school year, I’ve really missed those cookies. Now, that’s not to say that I just miss the man for his baking, I miss him completely. He just also happened to make the best damned peanut butter cookies this side of the [insert arbitrary geographical feature here]. They were vegan, made with four or five ingredients, and they just fell apart in your mouth. They were amazing.
I wasn’t doing so well over this past weekend. After playing a week-long game of nerd tag on an injured knee (I fell on it the Thursday before last, and I was told by a doctor that it was just badly bruised and swollen), I was in a fair amount of discomfort. Sunday morning, I went back to the doctor because my kneecap felt like it was missing a piece. The doctor agreed and sent me in for an x-ray. Three hours later, I was back home with a new brace and a list of orthopedist referrals for my fractured kneecap (← that link brings you to my x-rays; they’re pretty cool). Fortunately, it’s a small, stable fracture, so the long-term complications should be pretty much nonexistent. Then again, we’re talking about me, here. I could injure myself in a room full of pillows.
The boyfriend had been patient enough to wait out those three hours with me, as we arrived at Urgent Care an hour before they opened, wasted most of that hour blundering around Wegman’s and picking up some doughnuts and milk for breakfast, which we ate while waiting out the rest of the hour. Two more hours were spent (for him) sitting in the waiting room, listening to Food Network on the TV and telling me whenever he could how hungry he was for whatever they were making on TV. It’s like I don’t feed him.
By the time we got home, I was flustered because I had a paper to write, some other assignments to do, sleep to catch up on (I never get enough, nowadays), and somewhere in there, I had to find time to watch a football game or three. Not only that, but I was irritable because, for the past couple of days, my eyes had not been focusing properly (I’m still attributing that to fatigue, because it’s on and off). At one point, I just whimpered and said, “I miss Sky’s emergency cookies. They always made everything better.”
That’s when the boyfriend offered to bake something.
That’s right. The boyfriend decided he would take on my kitchen and conquer its many confusing surfaces and appliances. Of course, that would be after I walked him through how to find a recipe and where all of the bowls and utensils were. Good news! He didn’t break great-grandma’s glass mixing bowls. They’ll live to see another day. He did pretty well, handling stuff on his own. He got mad at me when I tried to explain how to crack an egg and it wasn’t what he was expecting (I wanted him to crack it on the side of the sink instead of on the side of the bowl because the little bowl I had him using was lightweight). I’ll have to teach him how to make egg-based breakfasts. The only thing that went “wrong” was more or less my fault. I put the cookies in for a minute too long, and most of them came out burnt.
The recipe we used had the most minimalistic set of instructions I’ve ever seen. It was 60 words long, and most of those words were numbers. I’ll do a slightly better job, I promise.
1 cup creamy peanut butter
1 cup packed brown sugar
1 cup white sugar
1 cup butter softened
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 1⁄2 cups flour
First thing’s first, you need to preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Then, in a large bowl, you need to cream together the peanut butter, brown sugar, white sugar, and butter. Add in the eggs, one at a time, and beat them into submiss–I mean the batter. Beat them into the batter. Add the baking soda, baking powder, salt, and vanilla to the mix, then, gradually, stir in the flour.
Once everything is mixed, roll the dough into balls and place them on a cookie sheet, evenly spaced out. With a fork, make the criss-cross pattern on top and slide the pan into the oven to bake the cookies for 6-7 minutes.
Okay, now that I’ve reread the recipe and written it down myself, I would like to amend a couple of statements from earlier:
Firstly, a number of things went wrong. The egg bit? See how the recipe calls for two of them? Boyfriend told me (and confirmed when I asked) that the recipe called for one egg.
Secondly, notice how baking soda and baking powder are called for? Dummy only used baking soda.
Thirdly, the oven temperature you’re supposed to use is 350 degrees. He somehow got 375 degrees.
Finally, he told me the baking time was 10-12 minutes, so I put them in for 11, aiming for my usual happy medium. You may notice that the actual cook time is 6-7 minutes.
(If this were baseball, he’d have already been benched)
As I was writing this out, I was texting the boyfriend, double checking his actions and confirming my suspicions. When I told him the results of my analysis, he ceded me one point:
“And this is why you run the kitchen.”
It should be noted, however, that after the cookietastrophe, he did walk to the gas station on the corner to go pick up some milk and, while he was there, picked up a box of “consolation cookies.”
In a nutshell:
1) Sous Chef Blondie still has a lot of practice ahead of him;
2) Skyler, come back. I miss you and I miss your peanut butter cookies.